we’ll leave the world behind us

help me be unfeeling
feel like digging out my tear ducts
i want to be helpful, but i really am useless
this is only the beginning of the end
help me help myself
help me let you go
let me let you go

premature

Late night studying and binging at Macs and the early driving lessons in the morning have caused havoc to my bio cycle! And all I can say about driving is I think I forgot everything I learnt in the earlier stage. My test is soon   and cannot be refunded once you book. so it sucks to go for an exam thinking you’ll fail it. I better buck up! Exams for me are around the corner, but for the O level students luckylucky it’s all over tomorrow! Yet, O and A levels aren’t a time I’ll particularly love to revisit because the mugging is seriously crazy, esp when it’s last min.

That said, what I’ve learnt over the past week is that, we can’t please everybody. Everybody has different preferences, more specifically different risk preferences. Dilemmas span a lot of confusion, especially when you tap for advice and the response is a variety. Some were outright flabbergasted, some were just the answer’s so in your face why can’t you see it’s not worth it, others were very supportive. But I’m thankful for everyone , the adults peers and seniors,that gave their 2 cents worth, for the phonecalls and messages and even fb, to seriously and sincerely try to answer my questions! Yet, as much as it seems unlikely, how do I know really if this is not something I want when I haven’t had the experience of trying it? Also there was a certain trend in those who were against it and those that were for it..  people who were more practical, more ’stable’ and grounded in my sense (who normally have a sense already of what they want to do), were against the idea. Those who I felt lived life more to the edge, who relish in new experiences, were for it. alright..aiya anyway it’s not that huge of an issue afterall. haha just trying to piece together my puny brain’s thoughts. I’ll wait for THE email.

faux leather boots for a winterholiday?? ))

crazyworld

Seriously don’t know how some people think. Was just reading the article with Sporeans comments on how teens who engage in consensual sex should be handled. Seriously, the fact that it’s consensual shows that  it’s a mindset issue.. how does punishment in the form of jailing help? Two wrongs don’t make a right. Honestly counselling and enlightening them about the consequences should be the way to go, and wth. There are some who tried to be helpful by saying that these teens shouldn’t be jailed but should be caned. ????

butterfly flurry

Am feeling ultra pampered. Just went for our classic mani and pedi appointment at this quaint little place in west coast plaza, albeit pricey. Massage was damn shiok!! They lather generous helpings of cream and scrub and oil!! My nails are in a really bad state, even the lady commented. 

I know, I have like ingrown nails which look very unkempt and ugly especially when they grow out cos they’re partially cracked too. Did cuticles and goodbye dead skin, service was really good. There’s just something about foreign manicurists’ service :)) Today was absolutely therepeutical!! Even had savoury chocolates and lemon scented tea to go along.

I miss Vietnamese massage suddenly. Haha anyway we signed on packages!! A bit guilty because the package takes up like a huge percentage of my monthly meagre pocketmoneybutttttt okay this is will be the only time! I’ll probably go back again after exams.. or before, if my nailcolour gets washed out by then. Had thai express jadegreencurry after and even bought myself a tub of pineapple tarts. Have been craving for it. I think  I’m stressed !

The only uh-oh today was that I woke up to realise my driving lesson already started. So had to quickly cab down and wasted like time off the lesson that I could have used to practice more. My alarm clock’s not working.. gotta buy a new one soon. Self-reminder!

Gotta gear up for exams… sooon, maybe.

Anyway I thought it was interesting when I read an article featuring Aniston. Whenever she gets cast in a certain role the first question she asks herself would be, What kind of shoes would I imagine my character to wear? Like would she be strutting down a pair of heels or relaxed in comfy fliflops.

I guess it’s true when they say a woman’s shoes are basic wardrobe fundamentals, and don’t tell lies about her.
i.e.

1)Wedge heels, peep-toe pumps and dramatic stilettos –> Assertion Queen
“Anyone not intimidate to be bold, be seen and therefore heard, is equally unfazed by standing out in or standing teller than, the crowd.”
2) Bright Bold Colours –> Creative Spirit
as shown by the bold display of colours
Takes risk in life, as shown in her risk in fashion
3) People who purchase shoes only when needed –> Reserved Woman
Shoes may be found on any sales rack
Don’t draw attention, maybe a hardworker for others but has to start working hard for herself!
4) Slippers –> Free Spirits
“Lace-up straps, sequence and rhinestones, shells, and buttons make feeble attempts at individuality”
The apathy for shoe fashion, reflects nonchalance
“Often times, no fuss when it comes to their tresses and clothing as well, their preference in footwear can round-out an already disheveled and uncoordinated wardrobe”

I guess I”m a subset of group 4, since I”m always on my Havs. Plus my wardrobe is wildly pathetic. That said, I have been thinking of getting a pair of boots! Brown or suede black??

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Crazy Taxi Uncle !
( I AM STILL THINKING IF I SHOULD REPORT YOU!!!!!!!)

On sunday night, I took a cab back to hall. As usual, Dad accompanies me to flag a cab and notes down the license plate of the taxi. As usual, I roll my eyes at him. What can possibly happen- it’s just a taxi ride, right?
WRONG.

Okay so maybe I’m a bit anal about speed limits because it’s really a life and death situation,so if a sign says 50, we jolly well drive within the speed limits because why else would those signs be in place if not for safety reasons??! So I said politely to the has been speeding for like the past 8 mins already taxi uncle, to please slow down. This is met with an acceleration around curbs and an onslaught of curses and vulgarities.

“Why? Cannot fast ah? If everyone drive like you don’t need to drive already.
Why you study NUS? STudy so much for what? Bodoh. Chinese girl like you will never get married!! Stupid. Why you Chinese girl like that one ah?? My son also study NUS what. You unhappy is it you want to meet him?!?”
!#$%^&*()_
Then he drove for a few seconds without looking at the road but stared at me . I was bloodymary scared he was gonna crash and die together. omg. And then he raised his fists threateningly at me. What the shit!

Uncle I”m reporting you.
“I NOT SCARED. YOU THINK I ScARED? WHAT I DO WRONG WHY YOU WANT TO REPORT? bloody chinese girl… !#$%^&*(“
Other sentences involving curses on my life followed, and then some more.
more slander, more vulgarities, and then the moment I stepped off, tears. I got really scared by the ride. 

By far the worst taxi driver. I don’t even know why I paid him. By far, my worst taxi experience.

Intruder Alert
So after a full macs breakfast ot 7am with them, I groggily came back to my room, exhausted and full.

What happens when I’m tired?
I forget to lock my door.

Wakes up at 10 + am for class, sit on my chair, stones. (You know, like when you just wake up, your engine doesn’t start up immediately. )

I look blankly at the door.
The door handle turns.
I am still looking at the door.
The handle is still turning slowly.
It just didn’t register.

Then in that moment master’s words, and the recent spate of events in our hall involving intruders into girls room sound the siren. Esp secluded rooms at the end of the corridor,where escape can be made quickly.

If it were the e3 people, they would be simply yelling my name, not testing at the door. Stranger! So I shouted (in my most thunderous voice) WHO ARE YOU!! and immediately the door slams shut and the scurrying of slippers. I sat there, unable to react. I still rmb thinking to myself if I wanted to give chase. When Master first warned us about it, I told myself if the guy ever appeared in my room I would hunt him down. Smash him balls or something. But when the real thing happens, I freeze. I think I fear his face.  It creeps me when I think of what could have happened if I were still asleep. Gonna lock my door every night from now. No point reporting.. Gonna lock lock lock my door every night from now on.

I need to move on to something happier.
I’m so glad Weichin found time to catch up with us! Law is just so crazybusy i think. Dinner was awesome, chilling at Vivo’e skygarden was too, especially with the coolin weather today. A break from my science of music midi that I spent one night working on using the wrong program, and have to redo. ZZ ULTRA ZZ. Really am not technical.

I’m gonna start making my year end shopping list! ) Just thinking about it makes me happy. Exams coming, but first, Blue Mansion tonight! Singapore film module has really piqued my interest in the local film scene, and exposed me to certain film aspects, plus the “other” singapore - that one we don’t see as in tourist brochures. I wanna watch the uncut version of the short films discussed.  I think Singapore should share a love-hate relationship with censorship authorities instead of just hate though. On one hand, yes we are very sheltered and are constrained by a certain myopic view because of laws set in place (Omg watch the amy vid). On the other however, sex and violence has really been so liberalized in our global society, yet we have our censorship to thank as it kind of keeps us tamed and controls us from wild western influences that might spread through the media although it gets harder as boundaries get blurrer tgt with the digi revolution that has made information more readily accessible to us. How do we strike a balance?

Also, today a friend and I were talking about finding a job upon graduation. There was worry written all over his face. WHy worry? Cause we’re scared we do not make good use of time given to us. It reminded me about the fundamentals of Economics – that resources are scarce. Why do we always talk about opportunity costs? Every day, we lose time.  Time flies, we often say. What have we been spending our time on all this while? How can we maximise its use?  My next ten years will pass so fast, and I don’t want to live the next chapter of my life regretting how I spent my time. Plan. Plan. Plan. Something I have gotta get down to.

Waiting for your good news, gary ! You will get employed!!!!!!!!!!!! I guaranteeee!!!

Tiredszxzxzxz.. Ben and Jerry’s rock. Haha. HOHO. Nights!

holidaysss

Schoolwork is never ending, someone please save me. I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE PUBIC FINANCE. ERGH IT’S GROSSLY PUBIC. I don’t dig graphs and all my returned assignments have such horrible grades it’s immensely pubic. URG. Why such an effort to pull up my grades when I’m not doing honours alr, I sometimes ask myself. But I guess, let’s try to glorify God in all things, and better late than never?

Retail therapy pleaseeeee. I haven’t breathed the orchard air in damn long. OMG December please come quick so I can have my (not so well-deserved) holidays. And I’ve been filling out so many forms for the WAT 2010! My eyes are so puffy and tired. Okay maybe I’m just suffering from my not being able to watch SYTYCD today because the Golf Tournament took up its airtime!!!!!!

Hope everyone had a fab (Halloween?) weekend! (I won’t say happy cos it kinda contradicts the mood of Halloween). That said, had a great time at 15 mins for a friend’s birthday. The cafe is so artsy (albeit halloween deco abit disturbing),i love it! Maybe wl will give me free food when she waitresses ! Happy bdae to ADELINE too! LOL. it just cracks me up whenever i think of pr as adeline. (spare me)

One year has passed since the last halloween bash. Sigh, again time flies. And, I didnt know Halloween was such a huge thing among kids. Like, I never really celebrated it in secondary school. But even the church younglings have halloween parties to attend these days. Yeah, Halloween parties may seem like a relatively harmless way to have fun, but I guess christians should reflect on whether it’s edifying? Like, the celebration of the devil, hell, and his work throughout the world is the main reason for halloween. So we’re threading on dangerous grounds.

Dance tonight! I haven’t told mom and dad I’m joining DP again whooopppppppps. how am i supposed to break the news to them esp with my ankle like that. they will flipppppp like dead goldfishes, roar. Then, probably visit hamsters and start on doing up the midi project. roarrrs. Btw, I’ve successfully advanced a little in driving lessons. Parallel parking!

on a random note, i realise adults have their issues too. (i’m not a girl not yet a woman), but like, you know the kind of underlying issues (sideline plots) we see in dramas.. might seem fictitious/ overly complicated or far-fetched but they actually exist. adults are just like us, but unable to change their situation because of important decisions alr decided on, prior responsibilities,  so they don’t have the freedom to change their current states.

silly little moment

I’m perfectly fine with my $0 Sony Ericsson phone. But I happened to received this Singtel brochure in arts that day, and I suddenly thought about all the times I settled for phones costing between  $0 to $150 just because it was time to upgrade my line and so I could get a new, cheap one. They were decent, user-friendly ones.
They were oh-kay.
Maybe for once, I should start thinking about getting something I really want ever since I drowned my LG phone in the washing machine, and since my Sony Ericsson phone has begun showing signs of old age. Like it dies on me from time to time.

So, Blackberry Curve 8900?

it’s got QWERTY keypad, wireless, all that. I’m not exactly tech-savvy and I can’t say that I get intellectually stimulated whenever I think about its installed GPS or video recording. But it’s black and sleek, and probably has better-improved features then my current phone. Is 0.53 inches bulky?? And stop asking me to get iPhone!! Sure it’s THE great phone with plenty of free applications to choose from; just not for me

And I’m considering to get a Canon Ixus (95 IS)! It’s an older model. Haha can’t deal with DSLRs, or anything black and professional looking. Firstly heavy! I’ll find it a hassle to lug around. But the IXUS! The Ixus (in blue or pink I haven’t decided) is light, go snap snap, and happy to even just look at! woo! I think I’ve only really used one camera in my whole life, and I thought it was 10 MP, but it was actually just 10 x optical zoom. It’s only 4MP. HAHA! And all this while I was wondering why the pictures turn out so different from those shot by other cameras which its features were comparable with. So yup excited! Sher said to wait till prices drop in december!

A video to share! From SYTYCD (On Tv every sunday!)
Danny and Anya are my favourite couple!!
It’s the Viennesse Waltz , absolutely romantic and beautiful )

Gotta go for driving now!!!

What day is it
And in what month
This love never seemed so alive;

a week’s worth

I completed stage 2 of driving this week! Of course, I’d better, with the lessons packed every day. Save for U-Turns which are grossly hard to control, everything else has been pretty smooth. Still a long way to go till I finish stage 5 but I’ve booked the test date somewhere in mid December. It’s like the earlier out of 2 slots left in the whole of December. And there are no driving test slots in January, so I can’t book again too soon, should I fail. Anyhow, driving’s SOO expensive even though I sometimes go for the cheapest 8 am slot. I’m so glad Mom and Dad think it’s a worthy investment for letting me learn, and I better drive them around next time when I pass (if they let me).

School’s been good. I can’t really explain how I’m doing pretty okay in most of my modules this sem. Thank God and God alone.
Like, for my film module, there’s this URGH exchange person that simply has no contributions to make to the group and even screwed up on the very day of the presentation. Yes, like 5 mins into the lesson she told us she “forgot” to print our scripts.

(Hp and I were all ready to murder).

Nope I didn’t lash out in vulgarities.
Okay, maybe one.
Then we ran all the way to AS7 to get it printed and ran back (OMG I hate FASS for all the staircases you have to climb, and then we got lost, but finally found out way back). And knowing how particular Dr Lim is about punctuality, it was really surprising how she was all nice about it when we explained “technical difficulties”.

 (See God’s intervention)

Then the URGH exchange girl gave a crap introduction to our presentation.. “This film has old people. This film talks about…” (Something along the likes of NOT WHAT WE WERE ABOUT TO PRESENT MAYBE!!!!)

I think the rest of the group members died, or at least I know I wanted to.
Tried to smile weakly.
4 of us quickly continued with the presentation and tried to save our group’s ass because this was a combined grade.
And really, we got positive remarks from everyone.
And I got reasonable grades for film, although I studied one day before, and went for a friend’s party the night before the test. HAHA!
Same for some other test that I got back.
And I think I screwed up public finance a little because I couldn’t really explain about CPF, but trust God! All glory to him. Regarding studies, maybe I’m finally on the right track.  Yet when I think about it, I’m not sure if I have any regrets not starting earlier. 

 It’s 9.53am and I’ve got money and banking lecture soon. Just got back from my stay with Lena’s at Fairmont last night. Timbre before that was super awesome. As always, Thursday with the bff, drinks, good food and The Goodfellas are rocking good. I took a video of their “WonderGirls- Nobody”!! But had to delete the video of my favourite song sung by them (Ghaz has this hypnotic voice!! Serious butt-shaking action. Call me Crazy.) to make way for some pictures.  Headed down to 70^th floor of Swissotel after that – Asian Bar. The view is fab. But our hotel room was really FANTABULOUS. Balcony view, toilet has a raindrop shower!! I wanna have one in my house next time!  The pillows are so huge and fluffy, that’s why I had sweet dreamsssss!!!! HAHA. What I love most about it, is the person i spent it with. A best friend is someone you can be yourself with, scream cry shout laugh sing (swear, but not too much), life should be so real. The only thing is the period, I so hope the cramps will blow over soon.

As for hall,damn slack. Dance and Band are the only two committments for now. My ankle’s hurting has been on the increase, so no more badminton unless at a leisurely pace. Even dance poses a problem sometimes. I need to get it examined, but not so soon. Still got other things I wanna do.

Random: I managed to catch up a bit with GG! Haven’t finished buffering episodes 4,5,6 though. As always, I adore Serena’s sense of style! Love it Love it.But I don’t understand how anyone can actually reject Brown. And Blair should grow up, what’s with Queen Bee in College?!

YAY I’m bringing Honey Djon (Kettle Chips) for lecture! Really tired still got proj later, but the weekends are here!  ill try to study tonight. Church, as always, proves to be times of refreshing. And tmr’s gonna be exciting

You can never say never
Why we don’t know when;

Try lyrics

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me
The world is catching up to you
While your running away to chase your dream
It’s time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe I’m not ready

If I sing you a song would you sing along
Or wait till I’m gone, oh how we push and pull
If I give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful
Am I catching up to you
While your running away, to chase your dreams
It’s time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe I’m not ready

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me

chic-a-cherry cola

Desperately need to repost this from dearie’s blog. 

WTH?!!
Prince Adam is seriously HOT STUFF.
DECLARATION: I HAVE FOUND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
This … (yes) .. ANIMATED CARTOON CHARACTER!!!!
Swoon-worthy. 
Bonus: He’s got my favourite flower, well tucked in.
And for those who don’t have a clue who Prince Adam is, smack yourself!
Check out Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.
(He’s the speciallll surprise tucked under layers of hairy Beast mascot)

mm.

First time I moved those flabby arms and thighs in a long while. Still, I think my ankle might need an op because it’s a fracture and it hurts even though it’s been months. I’m not even sure if I can dance fullout anymore ( But yeah for now I’m gonna put it on hold because it’s damn inconvenient to be in a cast. I’m aching all over because my body is super unfit, not that it ever really was. Badminton was fun, as usual, at a leisurely pace. Thought I’d try something new but softball training was crazy. I have zero ball sense , and maybe even ball phobia because I don’t like the idea of a mass hurtling towards me. And it’s not even the kind of training one would consider tough, plus I suffered bruises cause of the ball, which is like, actually not soft at all. Can’t frigging catch a ball! Damn not sporty. HAHA!

Elearning week has passed so fast. Did up abit of the project but still have many assignments due so I’m probably staying home almost all of tmr to complete it. NO LIFER!

Had a good time at Timbre last night. Our dedications were sung, Seafood pizza and calamari were the awesome usuals. They were promoting Erdinger beer.. kinda reminded me of the times in Germany.  I miss Beck’s. Anyway, The Goodfellas were amazing, as always. A crooning, ass-shaking Ghaz, the epitomy of our seranade fantasies! Haha. I also love it when birthdays are being celebrated there because it means people get Sabo-ed and we all get a free show. Damn chillax relax. Hope I don’t get back my midterm tests results so soon so that the happy mood won’t blow over! MONEY AND BANKING BOO!!!!!! 

I should really get down to finding a job since graduation is like a few months from now. It’s kinda scary. As much as I don’t wanna study anymore because seriously enough of theories and I should start contributing to the family, I’m so afraid to start work. You can’t bum around and still breeze through modules because everything is performance based and you can’t skip work like you’re skipping lectures. What if I don’t get a job? And worst still, what if I end up with a job I completely don’t feel for? Prayer. Prayer. Prayer. Need. Prayers.

The next chapter: It’ll be kinda beautiful, painful, missing something so much. Will sleeping bring relief? Or will we just be too busy with our lives that even a year will fly so fast?  I really hope I’ll never have to try to remember you, because that would mean there’ll never be a moment that I forgot. It’s possible to make  straight sense of everything, but I just can’t define anything right now.

Any time I need to see your face,
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine,
Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola.

I don’t need to try to explain,
I just hold on tight
And if it happens again, I might move so slightly
To the arms and the lips and the face of the human cannonball
That I need to, I want to.

Mit deine Auf Wiedersehen, du hast meine Herz genommen.