laugh

ourselves silly. <3

Don’t leave.. Everybody leaves.

“You don’t know a good thing until it’s gone.
And found something else.”

 

I must still be an adolescent, despite the adult I’ve been attempting to be. The psych module I took in year two defined the wallowing away of adolescence as when we stop having those trivial quarrels with our parents, but what if we had no one to squabble with? A huge empty space is all that’s left, after the folks have gone. It’s strange that I’ve always craved for this freedom, and now finally when I have it in my grasp, independence just doesn’t taste as palatable anymore.

Nope it’s not the chores that I actually am happy to figure out. it’s not like I’ve never lived in hall and I don’t know how to wash my clothes, It’s not like I don’t know how to cook, or I’m honestly stupid or like I’ve never helped my mom and have to start from ground zero, it’s just that I never did have to.. what really matters- their presence, but it’s hard for me to say even when I skype them because (okay this is all basics and nothing near noble), that I don’t want them to have to worry, not about me especially when they’re trying to settle down, properly in a far enough land.

Matter-of-factly, some people are simply better than others, some people are simply more adult than others, and I have to put in every extra ounce of effort to behave like an adult at work when I’m really sick inside, and still so green. If it’s any comfort, I see friends my age in the same line who just slog it through despite being terribly ill too, and worst they’ve travelled a long way from home. Inspiration. Inspirations. And if it’s any other comfort, I’ve been surviving so far. Maybe I’ll just grow used to this feelings, someone once told me that if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. everything will be okay in the end.I actually beg to differ..It’s only okay because by then we’ll be numbed to change.

This episode kinda gave me an idea of death, is this how it’s gonna be when they’re gone one day, some day? i’ve never had to wait for them, i’m always the one travelling and they’re the ones waiting for me back home. but then it’s not like i’ve not had the taste of waiting for anybody for a long time, to come back from a faraway land. And i survived that huge one already. so why does it feel so different, this time?

I’m not afraid to be alone, shop alone, eat alone, hang out alone, as I’ve done almost my whole life… some people i know are actually very afraid of that because they attach a certain stigma to it, but come on, some people are just born that way, just live that way so let them be. but this time it’s a complicated one even with awesome friends, brother, boyfriend around. I’ve always wondered how it’ll be like to be without parents when I watch those psycho movie dramas, and now I think, what the hell was I thinking?

I need jesus and I need to munch more of krispy kreme that i brought back from Aussie. Btw, I might actually want to retire there.. it’s a mix of US and Europe. Not as expensive as Europe, but with the awesome shopping likes of USA. I’m no country girl, though I find visits to the countryside immensely refreshing, cleansing, and much needed once in a long while when the city has polluted enough of us. And Aussie’s near to Asia. And they have good unemployment benefits. And they have supre, and krispy kreme- which is enough reason to move over, grow fat and die.

that said, i had awesome subway, a long walk and talk with the girls over desserts last night , after a long day of gossip girl (or pretending to study with the boy). New Zealand tmr, what adventures await?

I should begin to accept that life will not be normal, so long as I’m air-borne. Grow up, you.

braintiquette.

<3 & otherdrugs

 

It exceeded expectations. Went there expecting a chicflick, and of course there was the whole whirlwind romance thing.

 

 

But I was honestly moved when the movie let in on the frustrations of people who suffer from Parkinson’s (I wouldn’t call them patients because they’re stronger than I am), and I pictured myself as one of them and wondered if I would have been strong enough to stand up to the illness should I contract it, or any other sickness for the matter.

 

Storylines like these are found pretty often in shows, such that we might get numbed because they have been so commericialized; guy and girl in love, one finds out that the other’s terminally ill, what happens?

And normally, it’s the I’ll-always-be-by-your-side, I’m-forever-loving-you or Marry-her-on-the-hospital-bed-and-then-she-dies thing. But life after the death of a loved one in such films or dramas are either depicted in a single fleeting moment where in that instant the partner left behind seems miraculously self-controlled with silent tears and amazing depth for acceptance that his/her partner’s gone forever or they such scenes are completely jumped? Or they meet someone new and fall in love but like tattoo the name of his/her first love who’s now gone on whichever part of his body.

It doesn’t take first-hand experience to reason that it’s not as easy as how the movies make it to be, so I really appreciated it when Love and Other Drugs had a scene depicting this elderly guy who had a wife with Parkinson’s for years telling Jake that you know, he loves his wife but if he had to do this whole marriage thing with her again, he wouldn’t. it took away the love, the sex, robbed him of the moments, the magic. And then I wonder (yes I always wonder), what would my stand be? If I fell terminally ill, would I be selfish enough to want my partner to stand by, even if he wanted to? And then I start jogging to lead a healthier lifestyle, and stay way from bubble tea for just that while. haha.

Asides from all that, the other theme I picked out was loving the misunderstood/the underdog/the others. Okay my theory might sound really weird, but there are people who are more attractive in the mainstream manner, and those who are attractive in the not-so-conventional-manner. Anne Hathaway obviously has all the good looks, but in the movie she plays the ill yet refreshingly normal woman who’s hard to understand, who’s more than just that bit woman when she gets too crazy too many times, who’s always putting on a strong front, who’s always doing all the wrong stuff and walks on the edgier side of life and who doesn’t actually have a normal life and is also a little dark and very private. Jake on the other hand is a popular dude, who’s an awesome salesman, loves meeting people, and has tonnes of female friends, who celebrates life with a come-what-may. They are opposites, they might not always understand each other, they don’t share a normal relationship, it’s in the words unspoken (you’ll have to watch it to understand), but somehow they have this eclectic connection. It remind me of two people I know.. and people are always curious about this whole are you guys serious thing. People don’t understand, but yes they’re together alright. I’ve come quite a while in life to understand that honestly no one’s happiness matter more than your loved ones and you.

And one last, all that talk about finding your fashion identity, I love the way Anne Hathway dresses in awesome vintage pieces in the show, but I know I’ll never be able to carry all that off.

they look awesome together, eh?

Been watching gossip girl like ALOT lately, and I love love love the way Serena vdw dresses in the show. It’s SO effortless, she makes my clothes cry. (I think I mentioned this before.. Blair’s style is deliciously pretty and girly but something I know I’ll never see myself in, not that it’s a huge fall from Serena.)

Attended a close friend’s wedding recently, and she turned out awesome in a greekgoddesslike evening dress, which was shimmering diamente and a royal luscious ravishing purple Okay but the point was the wedding! Haha! Three of us had cake, bird’s nest and some juice at my house, just a little get-together near midnight, before the day of her wedding. So much fun reminiscing, so much fun thinking of what life’s gonna be for her. I can’t believe this girl I grew up with hit the altars. and she’s younger than i am!?

I’m already planning for the next move,you know, in life. Like further my studies overseas or open a zoo or something. Sometimes I feel like I’m not using my brains enough. Or this one doesn’t allow me to, and yes, I actually have brains so I had better use them before they deteriorate.

Miss mom and dad.

 

Ventures

A few mere moments into 2011 and God’s goodness manifested! Was cabbing to a friend’s place, and my mobile fell out of my bag which had no zip ( i swear i have so many of these zipless bags they’re gonna get on my nerves one day). As like any other Singaporean skeptic, I had minimal hopes of getting it back and even more because I realised it was gone only a few hours later. Surprise-surprise when a call came to the boy’s mobile ( I didn’t have a password lock on my phone)- there went my excuse to get a new phone

Johannesburg was surprisingly modern, and my perception of South Africa has been changed by the new year’s day trip. It’s definitely somewhere I wanna go back to again.. because there’s so much to see(animals).. and eat! The original Nandos and Ocean’s Basket (Fish & Co) was awesomelyyummilicious!   For some reason unknown to me, the air there was exceptionally crisp compared to Europe/USA, although the weather was just an average cool.

We went to the national park and were blessed  to be able to find the lions! Normally visitors would have to travel more as the park is so huge but the lions were few and allowed to roam wherever.Played with cubs.. I can’t believe they grow up to be such majestic creatures/fierce predators when they look so simba-innocent at such a young age. You just wanna roll on the grass with them!

Coming back to an empty house back in sg was strangely unfamiliar, even though it isn’t the first time the parents are away. After following specific tips for the wash, etc, the chores were done successfully.. Being the OCD, I wasted no time in trying to be The Mom. Getting rid of expired stuff in the fridge, tidying up the house etc even though it was right after work. Still, I actually missed them more than I thought I would. It’s the presence that counts, and the house was never just a hotel, though sometimes we take it for granted like it is.

But I honestly gained some, in having the boy back in sg. Nothing can be more surreal than having a stroll/meal with him in the heartlands.. I am still partly in awe at the length of time that has passed, and still adjusting to actually seeing him.Sometimes, in the midst of his welcome back gatherings, I stone in quiet shock that he’s back.. and there has been endless to catch up on, even a comfortable silence

Was out with hall people last night (TAP @ Orchard Towers has surprisingly a huge place to chill), and ,et the bestie tonight..seeing her after three months felt damn good, besides Thai Express @ Paragon (which had more to select from then normal meal choices @ other Thai expresses). Exchanged late Xmas presents, and we had shopping urges. Think I’m gonna hit the malls tmr, followed by a movie with him, before I’m off again! The good thing about this is you get the whole day off when you’re off and it’s not just weekends, but then it balances that when it’s time to go, it might be unearthly hours/days when you really drag your feet.

Random, but I just saw from a TV show that colourful sky lanterns (exactly like those in Rapunzel), are released annually in Taiwan, and on these lanterns are written wishes made by people. It would be beautiful indeed to see them light up the boundless sky, and countless hearts. Hello 2011, year of more blessings, love and peace! What else will you bring?

 

In Conclusion

2010

The year of so many blessings, and so many blessings-in-disguises ( I shalln’t count them bad experiences)

I think I’ve grown much in this year. I’ve made so many mistakes, but through the freedom to err is the only way I can learn. And I’ll learn to lawfully remember.

Transitions from school to work was a smooth milestone in life probably becos of a long holiday.

Independence in this job comes with a price.  You lose track of days yet you’ve got to have a perfect sense of time, you miss out on meetings and weddings, all might seem a calm and glamorous but it’s hard to explain to friends who aren’t in the same industry how harsh things can get,  you have to prioritise, you sometimes wake up wondering where the hell you are, you grow up fast, you will come to appreciate solitude, you see things you shouldn’t, you hear things you can’t imagine, you are constantly surrounded with beautiful people and you have got to keep up that confidence too, you’ve got to learn to let go in an instant, and pull yourself together because nobody’s really interested in what makes you tick.

you must be able to leave everything behind.

all in all, i thank God for every experience

and i’ve learnt something about leadership throughout the year. different leaders may have different styles of working, sure each to his own. but the best kind of leaders are those who unselfishly strive to nurture their mentees, to surpass their own capabilities, not those that feel threatened by new blood.

and I can’t believe the boy is coming back. what would it be like to see him again?

but this only means that daddy and mommy are leaving, bags are all packed. i should visit them, sometime.

hello 2011.

 

 

Froliche Weihnachten!

I’ve lost all sense of time, and in a flash, Christmas is over! The streets of Munschen were a jolly sight, with christmas carts that lined the shopping streets providing a temporary refuge from the cold- with hot chocolate, spicy cinammon wine etc.Nuts, chocolate-coated sweet nothings, candies, soup, fries, crepes and of course bratswursts provided a burst of energy in between crazyyy sales shopping

 

 

As much as I’d hate to admit it, there is a stark difference in the festive atmosphere when walking down the streets of Europe as opposed to maybe, orchard road, although both boast pretty christmas lighting and deco, and awesome food/shopping. I reckon it’s the weather, the wintry fashion, the snowflakes, and the pretty architecture of the buildings that really set the mood! It’s a sad pity we’d never catch up, and it makes christmas in Europe all the more special.

Personally though, I’d give up christmas in Munich for christmas in church anytime. It’s just different when we sing christmas carols together, pray, and exchange gifts of love in rememberance of this special day when Christ was born.  Special significance, to share with people who truly understand.

And spidey, if you’re reading this, I miss Deutschland mit du und Angie. Those were good times!