ordeal

food indigestion spelt nausea and diarrhoea till about 4am last night, i’m dead exhausted. the toilet runs. the stomach churnings. felt like hell my paper is at frigging 9am. i think the extremely delicious hotel buffet lunch yesterday and dinner of duck rice and oreo shake was too much for my poor stomach to filter. i know my stomach’s always never been good because nothing much gets digested, as the medicinal doctor once told me. that’s why i pretty much shit alot.

thanks really for being there for me the whole night, i’m sorry you couldn’t sleep much. just your presence made things somehow better.

i’m so exhausted. i want to go to the hospital.

you took my hand

yes i’ve finally stepped out of my little cave and realise that the sun still shines! so, forgive the gloominess of the previous posts! 

My first paper’s down today.. the earliest of all papers I think, for NUS. I felt a tinge of sadness that film module has ended though, when they said pens down. I actually enjoy going for its lectures. The exploration of manipulation implicit in documentaries, how propaganda should be put into perspective. I miss writing essays somewhat, and secretly think all the dealing with numbers and theories has dulled my senses. Yet I know for a fact that I don’t belong anywhere else cos churning essays for a prolonged period really requires tonnes of patience. I might end up bald. Also, I can’t read maps, my historical knowledge dates back to like last year, I can’t remember facts, and of course I can’t philosophise (word,exists?). So Hi, Economics and Hi Money and Banking exam on Monday, which I also happen to be totally screwed for. Blame it on Crazy Taxi! It’s a superseductiveaddictive facebook game and I can’t seem to beat my own highscore, (though it is really not that high).

So it was jack’s place tonight, because the parents thought I needed a good nutrifyingg. Love the company and meal but, why,I don’t even appear to be malnourished. (Plus I had dimsum buffet on Thursday!! Definitely piling on.) I went to take passport -sized photos today and realise how much I’ve aged. I’ve got wrinkles now…. my age-defying eye serum obviously doesn’t work! change brand! roar!

Church today was fulfilling, I’m so glad the whole Christmas Skit is coming together. Though I was quite fierce at first, I guess I needed to be firm or things would be trudging along at a snail’s pace and we wouldn’t even have the first act pieced together by Christmas Day. Biblestudy was nuts fun! But I’ll try to be more serious next time guys hahaha.

Suddenly looking at the silver swallow earrings on my table.. thanks lena:D Gonna wear them for my hotel buffet lunch tomorrow! Gonna ditch the diamonds just for you! I hope everything falls into place nicely for you in His time!

You know how sometimes, we look back, and we’re too late for regrets? I think that’s the saddest way to live life. I should be more decisive, more confident and sure of what I want even if it’s not mainstream, and I pray full well that my decisions will be God-centered. I don’t want to leave any room for regrets, and I hope to somehow, be different. Strange as it may sound, yes – different.

now to burn the midnight fluorescent.

covered in rain

After all the jacks are in their boxes
And the clowns have all gone to bed
You can hear happiness staggering on down the street
Footsteps dressed in red
And the wind whispers mary

A broom is drearily sweeping
Up the broken pieces of yesterdays life
Somewhere a queen is weeping
Somewhere a king has no wife
And the wind, it cries mary

Will the wind ever remember
The names it has blown in the past?

When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe

She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?

It whispers no, this will be the last
And the wind cries mary

we’ll leave the world behind us

help me be unfeeling
feel like digging out my tear ducts
i want to be helpful, but i really am useless
this is only the beginning of the end
help me help myself
help me let you go
let me let you go

premature

Late night studying and binging at Macs and the early driving lessons in the morning have caused havoc to my bio cycle! And all I can say about driving is I think I forgot everything I learnt in the earlier stage. My test is soon   and cannot be refunded once you book. so it sucks to go for an exam thinking you’ll fail it. I better buck up! Exams for me are around the corner, but for the O level students luckylucky it’s all over tomorrow! Yet, O and A levels aren’t a time I’ll particularly love to revisit because the mugging is seriously crazy, esp when it’s last min.

That said, what I’ve learnt over the past week is that, we can’t please everybody. Everybody has different preferences, more specifically different risk preferences. Dilemmas span a lot of confusion, especially when you tap for advice and the response is a variety. Some were outright flabbergasted, some were just the answer’s so in your face why can’t you see it’s not worth it, others were very supportive. But I’m thankful for everyone , the adults peers and seniors,that gave their 2 cents worth, for the phonecalls and messages and even fb, to seriously and sincerely try to answer my questions! Yet, as much as it seems unlikely, how do I know really if this is not something I want when I haven’t had the experience of trying it? Also there was a certain trend in those who were against it and those that were for it..  people who were more practical, more ’stable’ and grounded in my sense (who normally have a sense already of what they want to do), were against the idea. Those who I felt lived life more to the edge, who relish in new experiences, were for it. alright..aiya anyway it’s not that huge of an issue afterall. haha just trying to piece together my puny brain’s thoughts. I’ll wait for THE email.

faux leather boots for a winterholiday?? ))

crazyworld

Seriously don’t know how some people think. Was just reading the article with Sporeans comments on how teens who engage in consensual sex should be handled. Seriously, the fact that it’s consensual shows that  it’s a mindset issue.. how does punishment in the form of jailing help? Two wrongs don’t make a right. Honestly counselling and enlightening them about the consequences should be the way to go, and wth. There are some who tried to be helpful by saying that these teens shouldn’t be jailed but should be caned. ????

butterfly flurry

Am feeling ultra pampered. Just went for our classic mani and pedi appointment at this quaint little place in west coast plaza, albeit pricey. Massage was damn shiok!! They lather generous helpings of cream and scrub and oil!! My nails are in a really bad state, even the lady commented. 

I know, I have like ingrown nails which look very unkempt and ugly especially when they grow out cos they’re partially cracked too. Did cuticles and goodbye dead skin, service was really good. There’s just something about foreign manicurists’ service :)) Today was absolutely therepeutical!! Even had savoury chocolates and lemon scented tea to go along.

I miss Vietnamese massage suddenly. Haha anyway we signed on packages!! A bit guilty because the package takes up like a huge percentage of my monthly meagre pocketmoneybutttttt okay this is will be the only time! I’ll probably go back again after exams.. or before, if my nailcolour gets washed out by then. Had thai express jadegreencurry after and even bought myself a tub of pineapple tarts. Have been craving for it. I think  I’m stressed !

The only uh-oh today was that I woke up to realise my driving lesson already started. So had to quickly cab down and wasted like time off the lesson that I could have used to practice more. My alarm clock’s not working.. gotta buy a new one soon. Self-reminder!

Gotta gear up for exams… sooon, maybe.

Anyway I thought it was interesting when I read an article featuring Aniston. Whenever she gets cast in a certain role the first question she asks herself would be, What kind of shoes would I imagine my character to wear? Like would she be strutting down a pair of heels or relaxed in comfy fliflops.

I guess it’s true when they say a woman’s shoes are basic wardrobe fundamentals, and don’t tell lies about her.
i.e.

1)Wedge heels, peep-toe pumps and dramatic stilettos –> Assertion Queen
“Anyone not intimidate to be bold, be seen and therefore heard, is equally unfazed by standing out in or standing teller than, the crowd.”
2) Bright Bold Colours –> Creative Spirit
as shown by the bold display of colours
Takes risk in life, as shown in her risk in fashion
3) People who purchase shoes only when needed –> Reserved Woman
Shoes may be found on any sales rack
Don’t draw attention, maybe a hardworker for others but has to start working hard for herself!
4) Slippers –> Free Spirits
“Lace-up straps, sequence and rhinestones, shells, and buttons make feeble attempts at individuality”
The apathy for shoe fashion, reflects nonchalance
“Often times, no fuss when it comes to their tresses and clothing as well, their preference in footwear can round-out an already disheveled and uncoordinated wardrobe”

I guess I”m a subset of group 4, since I”m always on my Havs. Plus my wardrobe is wildly pathetic. That said, I have been thinking of getting a pair of boots! Brown or suede black??

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Crazy Taxi Uncle !
( I AM STILL THINKING IF I SHOULD REPORT YOU!!!!!!!)

On sunday night, I took a cab back to hall. As usual, Dad accompanies me to flag a cab and notes down the license plate of the taxi. As usual, I roll my eyes at him. What can possibly happen- it’s just a taxi ride, right?
WRONG.

Okay so maybe I’m a bit anal about speed limits because it’s really a life and death situation,so if a sign says 50, we jolly well drive within the speed limits because why else would those signs be in place if not for safety reasons??! So I said politely to the has been speeding for like the past 8 mins already taxi uncle, to please slow down. This is met with an acceleration around curbs and an onslaught of curses and vulgarities.

“Why? Cannot fast ah? If everyone drive like you don’t need to drive already.
Why you study NUS? STudy so much for what? Bodoh. Chinese girl like you will never get married!! Stupid. Why you Chinese girl like that one ah?? My son also study NUS what. You unhappy is it you want to meet him?!?”
!#$%^&*()_
Then he drove for a few seconds without looking at the road but stared at me . I was bloodymary scared he was gonna crash and die together. omg. And then he raised his fists threateningly at me. What the shit!

Uncle I”m reporting you.
“I NOT SCARED. YOU THINK I ScARED? WHAT I DO WRONG WHY YOU WANT TO REPORT? bloody chinese girl… !#$%^&*(“
Other sentences involving curses on my life followed, and then some more.
more slander, more vulgarities, and then the moment I stepped off, tears. I got really scared by the ride. 

By far the worst taxi driver. I don’t even know why I paid him. By far, my worst taxi experience.

Intruder Alert
So after a full macs breakfast ot 7am with them, I groggily came back to my room, exhausted and full.

What happens when I’m tired?
I forget to lock my door.

Wakes up at 10 + am for class, sit on my chair, stones. (You know, like when you just wake up, your engine doesn’t start up immediately. )

I look blankly at the door.
The door handle turns.
I am still looking at the door.
The handle is still turning slowly.
It just didn’t register.

Then in that moment master’s words, and the recent spate of events in our hall involving intruders into girls room sound the siren. Esp secluded rooms at the end of the corridor,where escape can be made quickly.

If it were the e3 people, they would be simply yelling my name, not testing at the door. Stranger! So I shouted (in my most thunderous voice) WHO ARE YOU!! and immediately the door slams shut and the scurrying of slippers. I sat there, unable to react. I still rmb thinking to myself if I wanted to give chase. When Master first warned us about it, I told myself if the guy ever appeared in my room I would hunt him down. Smash him balls or something. But when the real thing happens, I freeze. I think I fear his face.  It creeps me when I think of what could have happened if I were still asleep. Gonna lock my door every night from now. No point reporting.. Gonna lock lock lock my door every night from now on.

I need to move on to something happier.
I’m so glad Weichin found time to catch up with us! Law is just so crazybusy i think. Dinner was awesome, chilling at Vivo’e skygarden was too, especially with the coolin weather today. A break from my science of music midi that I spent one night working on using the wrong program, and have to redo. ZZ ULTRA ZZ. Really am not technical.

I’m gonna start making my year end shopping list! ) Just thinking about it makes me happy. Exams coming, but first, Blue Mansion tonight! Singapore film module has really piqued my interest in the local film scene, and exposed me to certain film aspects, plus the “other” singapore - that one we don’t see as in tourist brochures. I wanna watch the uncut version of the short films discussed.  I think Singapore should share a love-hate relationship with censorship authorities instead of just hate though. On one hand, yes we are very sheltered and are constrained by a certain myopic view because of laws set in place (Omg watch the amy vid). On the other however, sex and violence has really been so liberalized in our global society, yet we have our censorship to thank as it kind of keeps us tamed and controls us from wild western influences that might spread through the media although it gets harder as boundaries get blurrer tgt with the digi revolution that has made information more readily accessible to us. How do we strike a balance?

Also, today a friend and I were talking about finding a job upon graduation. There was worry written all over his face. WHy worry? Cause we’re scared we do not make good use of time given to us. It reminded me about the fundamentals of Economics – that resources are scarce. Why do we always talk about opportunity costs? Every day, we lose time.  Time flies, we often say. What have we been spending our time on all this while? How can we maximise its use?  My next ten years will pass so fast, and I don’t want to live the next chapter of my life regretting how I spent my time. Plan. Plan. Plan. Something I have gotta get down to.

Waiting for your good news, gary ! You will get employed!!!!!!!!!!!! I guaranteeee!!!

Tiredszxzxzxz.. Ben and Jerry’s rock. Haha. HOHO. Nights!

holidaysss

Schoolwork is never ending, someone please save me. I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE PUBIC FINANCE. ERGH IT’S GROSSLY PUBIC. I don’t dig graphs and all my returned assignments have such horrible grades it’s immensely pubic. URG. Why such an effort to pull up my grades when I’m not doing honours alr, I sometimes ask myself. But I guess, let’s try to glorify God in all things, and better late than never?

Retail therapy pleaseeeee. I haven’t breathed the orchard air in damn long. OMG December please come quick so I can have my (not so well-deserved) holidays. And I’ve been filling out so many forms for the WAT 2010! My eyes are so puffy and tired. Okay maybe I’m just suffering from my not being able to watch SYTYCD today because the Golf Tournament took up its airtime!!!!!!

Hope everyone had a fab (Halloween?) weekend! (I won’t say happy cos it kinda contradicts the mood of Halloween). That said, had a great time at 15 mins for a friend’s birthday. The cafe is so artsy (albeit halloween deco abit disturbing),i love it! Maybe wl will give me free food when she waitresses ! Happy bdae to ADELINE too! LOL. it just cracks me up whenever i think of pr as adeline. (spare me)

One year has passed since the last halloween bash. Sigh, again time flies. And, I didnt know Halloween was such a huge thing among kids. Like, I never really celebrated it in secondary school. But even the church younglings have halloween parties to attend these days. Yeah, Halloween parties may seem like a relatively harmless way to have fun, but I guess christians should reflect on whether it’s edifying? Like, the celebration of the devil, hell, and his work throughout the world is the main reason for halloween. So we’re threading on dangerous grounds.

Dance tonight! I haven’t told mom and dad I’m joining DP again whooopppppppps. how am i supposed to break the news to them esp with my ankle like that. they will flipppppp like dead goldfishes, roar. Then, probably visit hamsters and start on doing up the midi project. roarrrs. Btw, I’ve successfully advanced a little in driving lessons. Parallel parking!

on a random note, i realise adults have their issues too. (i’m not a girl not yet a woman), but like, you know the kind of underlying issues (sideline plots) we see in dramas.. might seem fictitious/ overly complicated or far-fetched but they actually exist. adults are just like us, but unable to change their situation because of important decisions alr decided on, prior responsibilities,  so they don’t have the freedom to change their current states.

silly little moment

I’m perfectly fine with my $0 Sony Ericsson phone. But I happened to received this Singtel brochure in arts that day, and I suddenly thought about all the times I settled for phones costing between  $0 to $150 just because it was time to upgrade my line and so I could get a new, cheap one. They were decent, user-friendly ones.
They were oh-kay.
Maybe for once, I should start thinking about getting something I really want ever since I drowned my LG phone in the washing machine, and since my Sony Ericsson phone has begun showing signs of old age. Like it dies on me from time to time.

So, Blackberry Curve 8900?

it’s got QWERTY keypad, wireless, all that. I’m not exactly tech-savvy and I can’t say that I get intellectually stimulated whenever I think about its installed GPS or video recording. But it’s black and sleek, and probably has better-improved features then my current phone. Is 0.53 inches bulky?? And stop asking me to get iPhone!! Sure it’s THE great phone with plenty of free applications to choose from; just not for me

And I’m considering to get a Canon Ixus (95 IS)! It’s an older model. Haha can’t deal with DSLRs, or anything black and professional looking. Firstly heavy! I’ll find it a hassle to lug around. But the IXUS! The Ixus (in blue or pink I haven’t decided) is light, go snap snap, and happy to even just look at! woo! I think I’ve only really used one camera in my whole life, and I thought it was 10 MP, but it was actually just 10 x optical zoom. It’s only 4MP. HAHA! And all this while I was wondering why the pictures turn out so different from those shot by other cameras which its features were comparable with. So yup excited! Sher said to wait till prices drop in december!

A video to share! From SYTYCD (On Tv every sunday!)
Danny and Anya are my favourite couple!!
It’s the Viennesse Waltz , absolutely romantic and beautiful )

Gotta go for driving now!!!

What day is it
And in what month
This love never seemed so alive;